The 5 Stages of Conservation Grief

Sometimes in conservation, particularly during a reconstruction - you reach a point when you have to decide whether you're causing more harm than you're preventing.
I have reached that point.

For my Winter Quarter independent project, I chose to reconstruct a contemporary Laguna ceramic, by Laguna potter Gladys Paquin. The ceramic had been purchased by a private collector, broken by their housekeeper, and then donated to our study collection for a student to work with one day. Being the nutty ceramics-lover that I am, I couldn't turn down the chance to put this thing back together again - it was literally calling my name.

Over the past 8 weeks, I have learned a number of things, amongst which, that not all ceramics are created equal. In fact, the Minoan and Mycenaean ceramics that I had worked with up until now had been downright easy to work it in comparison to the struggle that I faced with this piece.

It was finally during week 7, in consultation with my supervisor on this project, that we came to the unavoidable conclusion that the ceramic could not be put back together again - at least not by me in the time left in the quarter. It was at this point that I realised that this project had followed pretty accurately the five typical stages of grief:

1. Denial: "Yes, I can absolutely reconstruct this piece! It looks pretty straightforward. It'll be done within two weeks!"

Ceramic piece laid out for photography and after dry assembly

2. Anger/Frustration: "Why the hell won't these joins align?? This is ridiculous! How am I supposed to reconstruct something if I can't use tape, clamps or even touch the surface?!"

Ceramic after disassembly # 2

3. Bargaining/Desperation: "Please line up! Maybe if I just heat this join, it'll line up. I'll give up all my other projects and focus only on this one if I can find a way to get these joins to line up."

Application of indirect pressure using 3M Coban tape to align the fragments. A layer of 3mm Mylar was used in between the Coban and the ceramic to prevent loss of the powdery brown pigment.

4: Depression: "My god. What have I done. This is a disaster. I am the worst. conservator. ever. What's the point? I'm not good enough to do this. I'm a horrible person."


5: Acceptance: "The piece will be just as stable in fragments as it will be assembled. What I've learned from this project will be helpful to a future student who may wish to undertake the reconstruction."

Let's be honest - I'm still coming to terms with Step 5 - but the piece IS coming down and WILL go back into storage in pieces whether I like it or not.

I can say, however, that this project taught me a lot, even if there isn't that tangible reconstructed ceramic to show for it. As I said - not all ceramics are created equal. Some of the challenges that I faced with this ceramic included:

-powdery pigment that came off easily through casual contact
-a very sensitive surface that could not have even low-tack tape applied
-a ceramic body that was extremely prone to flaking and spalling if pressure of any type was applied, therefore the use of clamps for realignment was impossible.
-a series of fine cracks (some of which were practically invisible) from the initial impact that tended to spring when pressure was applied
-other pigments that were soluble in water and some in ethanol.
-complex breaks that necessitated partial reconstructions - which led to misalignments that could not be realigned through heating or solvent application because of the sensitivity of the ceramic to pressure.

and finally -> even though I did manage to get the entire ceramic reconstructed - there were at least three areas that were so severely stepped that they were not stable. After nearly an hour of discussion with my supervisor to think of ways to reduce or mitigate these problems, we both came to the conclusion that taking the piece down in its entirety in a solvent chamber was the only ethical solution. The solvent chamber would allow for reversal while minimizing contact with the ceramic. As we used Paraloid B-72 for the reconstruction - reversibility should (hopefully) be relatively straight forward (and so we return to Stage 1!)).

In many respects, I considered not writing a blog post for this piece. One of those reasons, of course, is because this entire project could really be classified as a failure in nearly every respect.

My thoughts are, however, that somebody else can learn from the lessons and mistakes I made during this project. Too many conservators are afraid to publish about the things that went wrong - choosing only to talk about the things that went well. It's really hard to put yourself out there for criticism by showing the world your mistakes - and on some level, I might very well regret posting this one day when someone decides to judge my abilities as a conservator on this one project and how it didn't turn out.

I really hope that this doesn't end up being the case.

A very merry LA Christmas

So it's been ages since I've updated this thing. Suffice it to say that things have been a little crazy since my return to LA.

But - we can talk about those later - since I should probably stick with the actual title of this post...whoda thunk?!?

So I spent my first Christmas without snow since I was in Australia when I was 17. I guess LA deciced to try give me a white Christmas - sadly, while it could generate the precipitation (12 inches of rain's worth!), it could not quite combine it with the proper temperatures - so instead, we had to learn to swim.

My parents decided to come visit for Christmas, since it was too expensive for me to come home (and lets face it, I spent FAR too much time in the lab on projects that really should have been done by the end of quarter...you can guess how those went...).
Let's just say they won't be telling me to suck it up anymore when I complain about the weather - turns out we've all discovered that while it may, in fact, be colder and snowy-er back home - 8 days of rain in LA still sucks because it's not supposed to happen.

With all that said - my Christmas in LA was actually quite nice. We hit up every touristy spot one could think of: Venice Beach, Santa Monica pier and promenade, Hollywood, Griffith Observatory, Universal Studios AND we still fit in a trip up to San Fransisco.

Sadly, this post won't have any pictures - but I'll try and get some up in the next one. Unfortunately I'm writing this sad excuse for an update on the computer that doesn't remember anything, rather than the one that does but occasionally refuses to turn on - so all recent photos are just out of reach enough that my lazy ass won't get up to get them.

In addition to the wild Christmas festivities with the folks, school has kept me busy. Seems I set a precedent at Te Papa and will now work on all manner of dead animals in my future. This quarter I had the opportunity to conserve a Ptolemaic period votive coffing (read: small coffin) that had a mummified shrew in it. We know it was a shrew b/c we x-rayed that sucker - tres cool, in passing.

Also, still working on the Lac Dye project - aka. the project that is as difficult to get rid of as the shellac itself! Looking into enzymes - so if anyone out there knows anything at all about hydrolases, I would be deeply indebted to you!

I think that's enough for now! More to come (I'd say soon, but we all know that's a lie).

Not dead...just back in Hell-A: Temperature 27C/81F

So yeah, not dead...just ridiculously busy and short easily available internet connections. So I'm actually sitting in Starbucks right now, mooching their free internet for the sake of this update - be grateful!!! :p

Let's see - so I owe you all an update for pretty much most of August and most of September - let's see what I can cover before my laptop battery dies...

So after I finished up in Palmerston North (see newspaper article above) I helped out with the deinstallation of the Venice Biennale Exhibit - which involved the cleaning and packing of a number of sculptures by Francis Upritchard and really, REALLY massive vinyl 'paintings' by Judy Millar. I've attached the links to two YouTube videos courtesy of Te Papa from when the exhibit's were installed so you can see what they were about/what they looked like.

Save Yourself: Francis Upritchard
http://www.youtube.com/user/tepapamuseum#p/search/0/QtmPPdsYJ2I

Giraffe-Bottle-Gun: Judy Millar
http://www.youtube.com/user/tepapamuseum#p/search/0/7k58kXvbAGQ

In addition to the deinstallation, I basically spent the remainder of my time in New Zealand working on a 14.5m long Maori Waka, Te Heke Rangatira (which dates to the 1870s). This is essentially a very large war canoe made of painted wood, which is intricately carved and adorned with paua shells for eyes and albatross feather bundles. The paua shells needed to be cleaned and consolidated, while the feathers had to be cleaned and repaired, as many of the quills had been broken when the waka was originally transported to Te Papa.

This was a MASSIVE job! I spent 15 days, 7-9 hours a day down in the waka store room essentially working on nothing but this project, and I still did not finish!!

Also, we discovered that the waka had been painted at some point in the past with lead based paint. As we were cleaning using brushes and vacuums, which would put small particles of paint into the air, this required the wearing of tyvek suits and masks. And we were HAWT!!

I discovered that if you're wearing a white tyvek suit in a Conservation lab, you can practically disappear!

So they took it away and gave me a yellow one - so as better to keep an eye on me!

Sadly, though I was able to clean all the wooden components (with the help of Shane Pasene, Conservation Technician Extraordinaire!!) and all the shells, I was only able to clean and repair the feathers from the proper right side of the waka. In fairness to me, there were over 150 bundles and only one of me!!! So there! :p

In addition to the conservation stuff, before leaving NZ - I managed to convince some more fellow conservators back up the mountain to go snowboard. So, with Mel, Katherine, Lizzie and James in tow - we trecked back up Mt. Ruapehu. Sadly, however, though the sun was shining - we weren't able to actually snowboard b/c of the wind!!! So instead, defeated, we returned to our place and began mourning (read: drinking). It was a pretty good weekend after all!!

Also, had an amazing birthday party, which I will write about in a separate blog entry b/c it was so fabulous!

Also, had an amazing series of going-parties, which I will also write about separately.

Now, back in Hell-A, trying to get everything in order for the new school year - including dealing with banks, payroll, and apt hunting!

Things I've Learned in NZ...Temperature: 10C/50F

Apologies for my lack of updates - I'm not actually dead - not for lack of trying! I haven't updated in awhile - mainly b/c I've been very, VERY sick. For those of you who know me, you're probably not at all surprised - I feel like I spend more time sick than I do healthy! =(

Despite being sick I have been VERY busy - both at work and in my off time - so that's always a good thing, right?

I guess since I last posted, I've been snowboarding again - and realised just how different it is to snowboarding in California. First and foremost, I've never really worried about the weather at Big Bear - not so on Mt. Ruapehu. My plan was to travel to the base town, Ohakune, on the Saturday, arriving in the late afternoon, and therefore too late to make it worth my while to go up the mountain that day, but leaving me all day Sunday. As my bus was leaving on the Monday at 2pm, it also meant that if I was feeling up to it, I could snowboard in the morning on Monday. Well, Saturday's weather was GORGEOUS (so everyone who came off the mountain that day informed me). Sadly, this was not the case on Sunday - the mountain was closed because of gale forced winds, which left me trapped in Ohakune, by myself, in the pouring rain and raging wind at a backpackers lodge called the Hobbit Lodge (which was renamed b/c Mt. Ruapehu was used in the Lord of the Rings trilogy as Mt. Doom).

It was also when I awoke on Sunday morning that I first realised that I was getting sick....not good. So spent the day chilling and woke up to a beautiful day on Monday - but felt like CRAP. Did this actually stop me from going up the mountain? Hell no! And it was totally worth it! Especially since the last time I was at Turoa, you couldn't see anything, I was able to enjoy some amazing views!

View going up the ski lift

View from the top....or as close as I could get that day :)

Now, aside from thoroughly enjoying my morning on the mountain, I did learn something else about NZ that's kinda interesting:

Being sick sucks. Being sick when it's cold, wet and rainy, sucks even more. Being sick when it's cold, wet, rainy and nobody heats their houses - UBER suckage!! my lungs still hurt!

Additionally, as I've mentioned in previous posts, I was involved in preparing the bones of the racehorse, Phar Lap, for his trip to Melbourne on loan. Well, we took him down, with the media watching carefully (gotta watch out for those microphones, they are sensitive little suckers!!) - got him back to the lab and then spent the entire rest of the week doing the condition assessment. Do you know how many bones a horse has? Lots! (more than 200) - and we had to assess each one individually. Well, when I got back from snowboarding the following Monday - you guessed it! Too sick to actually take part in the treatment! (which, granted, involved only some minor overpainting, but still!!)

Another lesson learned? New Zealanders get REALLY upset if you come in to work when you're sick. My supervisor was NOT impressed with my determination and insistence that I was just fine, when really I was about to keel over - so I ended back home in short order, which is where I spent nearly the rest of the week.

Back on work, FINALLY on the Thursday, I went back to work finishing off the treatment of a plunket scale (used to weigh babies) from the 1940s, which was part of the 20th Century exhibit.

On the following Monday, I finally started taking my Maori Te Reo classes (Maori language). Very cool! I've learned some basic conversation starters:

Kei te pehea koe?
How are you?

Tino pai/Kao pai/pai
Very well/okay/fine

Morena!
Good Morning!

Ata marie!
Peaceful day (can be used for good morning, but only if it's nice out!)

There's a bit more, but I'd have to double check my notes to make sure I'm spelling things right!

The end of the week (Weds-Fri) was spent in the smaller town of Palmerston North (still bigger than the town I grew up in!!), which is a couple hours north of Wellington, where, working with Nirmala Balram, another conservator at Te Papa, we did condition assessment, and stabilisation of five huge wooden Maori carvings (these were used as palisade posts on Maori meeting houses). An added bonus? The people of Palmerston were so excited to have us that they called the local paper! So here's the link to the actual article - and yes, I look VERY focused - which is hysterical, b/c I was told to pose for the photo, so really, I was just really focused on not looking at the camera!

http://www.stuff.co.nz/manawatu-standard/news/4020688/Precious-carvings-getting-special-care/

My one point of contention with the article? They stated that I was from the States - which was truly ironic since in the actual paper article, there was a small box article RIGHT next to our article talking about how Canadians hate being mistaken for Americans!!

Sadly, we were only able to deal with the fronts of the carvings in the time that we had, but Nirmala will be returning in May to finish the backs while they are being put back on display.

Photo taken from another website of a Maori meeting house - note the carved posts on the eaves - that's the kind of object that we were working on, just to give an idea of scale...

Coming up this week at Te Papa, I'll be taking part in the take down of an exhibit - so more to come on that soon! (ish)

Finally!! A Te Papa Post! Temperature: 4C/39F

At long last! My first posting on the official Te Papa Blog - which, of course means - you can all look at pictures of some of the stuff I've been working on!

So for the Conservation-Curious - just click on the wee little link below:

http://blog.tepapa.govt.nz/2010/07/28/a-slice-of-conservation-heaven/

In other news...

I didn't go snowboarding this past weekend because I thought it might be too expensive...right...except for the part where I got bored and went shopping...YIKES!

In fairness (?) I actually needed to buy a better coat - since I'm travelling with only a light summer trench coat (which does not cut it in this wind) and a very heavy snowboarding jacket (which is essentially overkill!).

I also went for a long walk around the entire harbour - which is really beautiful when the sun is shining and the temperature's not too bad =). Whilst 'oot' and 'aboot' - I saw the most ingeniously, fiendishly clever thing!

Children in inflatible hamster balls thrown out into the water on leads!!! You would not believe the entertainment value!!! (yes, I'll admit I wanted to try it myself, but alas, both too sober and too much pride....maybe next weekend...hehehe).

Here's a few piccies around Wellington harbour - part of my 'How artistic can I be on an iPhone camera?' project...

Wellington Railway Station

A stone sculpture outside the University of Victoria - there was no explanation, but I'm pretty sure it shows the topography of Wellington City

If I recall, these are supposed to represent the hills surrounding Wellington...at any rate, cool little pavilion near the harbour =)

And to finish off - a little panoramic video of Wellington Harbour - the first large building that I start at (the stone building) is Te Papa Museum.

Enjoy!! More to come soon! ;)

Conservation and Snowboarding! Temperature: 7C/44F

As promised - my update for last week.
Coming Soon - my first entry as a guest blogger on the Te Papa website; I'll be writing on the current conservation work that I've been doing on objects for the upcoming Te Papa exhibit 'Slice of Heaven: Early 20th Century New Zealand'.

First up though...SNOWBOARDING!!
So as I've said, I've managed to lure more people from the Conservation Labs into joining me for snowboarding adventures here in the great NZ. Seen in the picture here are fellow conservation intern, Hannah (Paintings Conservation), her boyfriend Laurence, and Textiles Conservator, Rangi (who is Maori - so she was teaching us the proper pronunciations of all the places and explained alot of the local/cultural traditions during the road trip).

All ready to go!! Got me Trapper Hat and all!! (actually, it was Rangi's, but it was too amazing NOT to wear!!)

So after a four hour car trip - we finally arrived at our weekend abode - a lovely cottage belonging to the friend of Rangi's sister - who VERY graciously allowed us to stay there free of charge. It was incredible and very close to two of the North Island's ski resorts, Turoa and Whakapapa, both on the slopes of Mt. Ruapehu, which happens to be an active volcano too =).

Getting all geared up the night before!

Laurence on the lookout for Abominable Snowmen? Or Rainbow Bright?

So on Saturday we hit up Turoa. The weather was...lets just say that if it was only slightly worse, they would have closed the mountain - half the lifts were down due to low visibility. Ultimately, these were the worst conditions I had ever snowboarded in - you couldn't see - we were soaking wet in minutes and it was freezing!!! We were on the slopes all day anyways!!! I couldn't get the others off the slopes - and it was their first times!

Driving towards Mt. Ruapehu for our 2nd day of snowboarding at Whakapapa

On Sunday we were just gonna chill at the house, clean up, pack our stuff and start the four hour drive back to Wellington...well, after waking up to glorious sunshine, we decided we couldn't possibly head home - so we went snowboarding again! Absolutely, an amazing day - I did intermediate and expert slopes - mostly successfully, I might add - and I've still got all my limbs attached!

Depending on finances and schedules, we're hoping to go back next weekend - provided I can move again by then! AYOYE! ;)

Our last view of Mt. Ruapehu as the sun set on Sunday night

Next up - Conservation!

Last week was an interesting week for me - I worked on all creatures great and small for an outgoing loan. These included two taxidermied rats, and one taxidermied lamb. One rat and the lamb had broken tails that needed mending or unbending. The poor little lamb needed to be vacuumed and fluffed - he was a dirty, dirty little lamb! As a last piece for this same loan, I wrote up a condition report on an entimological sample - in this case - a locust - yup, a real, dried and pinned to a piece of ethofoam locust. Big sucker too!

From the 20th Century exhibit I've been working on stabilising a piece of metal from the Rainbow Warrior - which I've mentioned briefly in a previous post. The mangled piece of tar-coated bronze deck plating comes from what was once the flagship for Greenpeace, which was blown up by the French Secret Service. So the piece has been subjected to a marine environment, on top of having been blown up - so we're talking corrosion, chlorides, bronze disease, stress fractures, brittleness - the whole shebang - plus, this piece is still court evidence from the original case - so any treatment can only be used to stabilise the object to the duration of the exhibit. So far, treatment has included mechanical removal of corrosion using a scalpel under the microscope, followed by scrubbing with a soft brush and a surfactant to degrease (the object has tar on it that is original, which happens to be soluble in both ethanol and acetone), and plunking it into a 0.5% BTA solution to continue desalination as well as act as a corrosion inhibitor. So far, after 5 days soaking, we've removed it to brush off chloride efflorescences twice and put it back in the tank. We hope to have it out by mid-week!

Well that's the update for now - next week we'll be talking Phar Lap!

ps. Wellington really is the windiest city in the world - I'm on the 6th floor of my building and the wind is howling so bad the whole building is shaking!! Crazy!

Quick Pictureless Update! Temperature: 3C/37F

Ok - so superquick update - I promise a proper entry both on this blog and on the Te Papa blog on Monday (Sunday for all of you in North America).

This week in Conservation at Te Papa? Two rats (shockingly cute - even if taxidermied) and a little lamb (also taxidermied - freakiest. eyes. ever!!).
What did I do to the poor things? Vacuumed, fluffed, straightened tails and glued bits of tail back on (insert 'tail' joke here).

What's up this weekend? SNOWBOARDING!!!!!!! Yes, my friends, on July 17th, I will, in fact, be basking in 0C weather (that's 32F for all you 'mericans!) - and throwing myself off the side of an active volcano covered in snow - SO. EXCITED!

So on Monday - provided I don't get incinerated in a freak eruption (don't worry Mom - it won't happen!) you will all get an update chalk-full of pretty pictures =)

Night night!!